Romancing: Loving All the Things that Could Be

What is This?

• Romance and Love: Intertwined but not the same as love (Romance is 1 piece the love puzzle.)
• First, what is husband and wife love (which is the goal in site of "romancing before marriage"? A gift from God that is both a bucket of feelings and mutual commitment grounded in Christ, where we find our identity primarily in their relationship with God, not solely in their spouse.
• Clarity.

Genesis 29:18 And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter.

• romance noun. a feeling of excitement and mystery (imagination) associated with love
• romance v. court, woo,
• romance: the emotional excitement or attraction that a specific person elicits in another.
• Requires some Emotional Intelligence: a) "How does this make you feel?" experiment. (notice attraction vs. romantic attraction)
• In a sense, romance is that experiencing (feeling and thoughts) and dwelling in that experience of all the things that could be true, might be true, would like to be true .... (its an adventure POSSIBLY toward, in, because of love. )
  • Imagination, Dream, Hope, Expectation, Trust, Courage, A World of Possibilities
  • romance for the sake of romance can be destructive. That delightful sense of “falling in love,” can be intoxicating (ADDICTION <-- Being whole "alone".). A healthy question to ask instead "Can I live without this person? is "Should I try?"
  • Romance can be either negative or positive depending upon whether we let those emotions rule our lives.
• Temper you actions and investment with the reality/knowledge that you could be interacting with someone elses future spouse.

Biology, The Body

• People can be straight up carnal so let's talk about biology.
• Attraction, Romance is a WHOLE LOT OF FEELINGS. (venn-digram overlap with love)
• The biology of attraction is a complex process involving
  • visual cues: Studies suggest that we are attracted to individuals with certain physical features that signal health and fertility, such as symmetry and bilateral symmetry.
  • pupil dilation: During moments of attraction, pupils dilate, a sign of increased interest
  • scent: Our sense of smell plays a role in attraction, with women potentially being more sensitive to the scent of men
  • hormones: dopamine (movment and reward given when achieve a goal impulsiveness-to-fatigue), adrenaline (increasing heart rate and blood pressure, while also enhancing alertness and physical strength. fight or flight), and norepinephrine (a stress hormone preparing the body for action), which contribute to feelings of joy, excitement, and increased alertness.
  • genetics
  • "shared characteristics" and the feeling of being "matched"

There's Work to be Done in Romance: Some Questions Regarding Desire, Expectations and God's Will

• Is this love? (Discovery and Adventure) You better get yourself ready for it! Yes, I am talking to you. Boundaries ("Risk it All" "Knowing the risks"), rights. Work on yourself first!
• What is your relationship to the Word of God? What do you think of the Bible? Its Doctrines concerning discipline in the home? Speech? Leadership? Child raising? Authority of the Bible? God?
• What is your relationship to the Spirit of God?
• What do you think of the Will of God? Is it discernable? How?
• What should I tell? Is there something you've been too nervous to ask each other about? (i.e., previous relationships)
• What are YOUR expectations concerning:
  • Church? Where? How Often? How Important in Priority?
  • Children? Soon? Later? At All? How Many? Would You Consider Adoption and/or Fostering? Etc.
  • Intimacy: Frequency? "Love language" "holding hands" "Touch in general"
  • Christian Ministry
  • Finances, Budgeting, Bills, Roles, Responsibility, Who MANAGES the money? How much can you spend without your spouses approval?
  • Work: "Fun" balance? Will Both work? Schedules? What about in the case of children? Child care?
  • Holidays: Whose Family?
  • Home: location now? location 5 years from now? Value? "Niceness" importance?
  • Social Life: Best friends and managing other relationships, "out with the guys/girls", Husband having "girl" friends and visa-versa
  • What is Your Concept of Your Role in the Marriage and Your Spouses Role? How will you divide the roles and responsibilities in your relationship? Who will do the house work? Cook? Who will mow the yard? When something breaks in the home, car, etc.
  • Who will and how will you discipline the kids? Both?
  • Who will "Stay home" with the chilren? (Share a childhood experience with each other)
  • When you can't compromise, who decides? The headship.
  • Unfaithfulness - Infedelity? How do you define it? How/Can/Will You recover? Preventative Measures? How willing are you to ASK for HELP?

Being "Romantic"

• God's Example of Emotional Love

Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.

• God's Example of Practical Love (Love Beyond Emotion)

1 Corinthians 13:4–8 — 1Co 13:4 ¶ Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 8 ¶ Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

• Not Romantic, But Love:

1 John 4:9–10 — 1Jo 4:9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. 10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

What Should I Be Doing?

• What's your strategy for disagreements? Develop one. (Practice on everybody! Maturity demands you no longer be 'childish')
• Should I date? (depends, Do you have a 'meaningful definition of marriage?' Do You Want to Get Married? Why? Marriage is no longer the preeminent way that adults in America organize their lives. Why are you?)

When is too young?

text: Matthew 22:37

Matthew 22:37 — Mt 22:34 ¶ But when the Pharisees had heard that he had put the Sadducees to silence, they were gathered together. 35 Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying, 36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law? 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. 40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

1.TIME: Urgency and Immediacy (biger than me)

• Early church at Jerusalem, Turn of the century Revivals in America --- Christ for the nations
• biological clock
• appropraite at 5 years old?
• Carefuless and Guardig your heart

2. Who are You?

• Do you know who you are?
• The human brain is still literally growing until about 25 years old.
• Inform your Conscience with the Word of God and Lived Experiences (proved God's word in your life.)

Psalm 139:4 — made for a purpose

• If married will be sharing purpose, know yours and so you can measure how they relate or not.
• Your value, the sacredness of your body, your worth (selling out cheap)
• Honesty and sincerity
• Knowledge Shapes us (delayed conversations)

3. Lean Heavily on the People that Know You Best

• Abraham sent Eleazar (Genesis 24)

4. Is the Gospel Missing?

• Polygamy, concubines, people like propoerty, mistreatment, slavery, etc. what is missing? The Gospel is what is missing.
• The message of grace, forgiveness, seeing the potential of God in someone and acknowledging the present REALITIES.
• There is life after failure! and disappointment.
• How does god work in a persons life?