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Sermon Illustrations

Evolution -- The Monkey's Viewpoint

Three monkeys sat in a coconut tree Discussing things as they're said to be.

Said one to the others, "Now listen you two, There's a certain rumor that can't be true.

That man descended from our noble race. The very idea! It's a dire disgrace.

No monkey ever deserted his wife, Starved his baby and ruined her life.

And you've never known a mother monk, To leave her baby with others to bunk,

Or pass them on from one to the other, Till they hardly know who is their mother.

And another thing you'll never see A monk build a fence around a coconut tree,

And let the coconuts go to waste, Forbidding all other monks a taste.

Why, if I put a fence around this tree, Starvation would force you to steal from me.

Here's another thing a monkey won't do, Go out at night and get on a stew.

Or use a gun or club or knife, To take some other monkey's life.

Yes! Man descended, the ornery cuss, But, brother, he didn't descend from US!

Husband, Love Your Wife And Do Not Be Bitter

2Timothy 3:1-9, NTME by J.B. Phillips:

“But you must realize that in the last days the times will be full of danger. Men will become utterly self-centered, greedy for money, full of big words. They will be proud and contemptuous, without any regard for what their parents taught them. They will be utterly lacking in gratitude, purity and normal human affections. They will be men of unscrupulous speech and have no control of themselves. They will be passionate and unprincipled, treacherous, self-willed and conceited, loving all the time what gives them pleasure instead of loving God. They will maintain a façade of “religion” but their conduct will deny its validity. You must keep clear of people like this.

“From their number come those creatures who worm their way into people’s houses, and find easy prey in silly women with an exaggerated sense of sin and morbid cravings—who are always learning and yet never able to grasp the truth. These men are as much enemies to the truth as Jannes and Jambres were to Moses. Their minds are distorted, and they are traitors to the faith. But in the long run they won’t get very far. Their folly will become as obvious to everybody as did that of Moses’ opponents.

Quotes on Selfishness

Selfishness is the root and source of all natural and moral evils. Nathanael Emmons

All selfishness is sin. Charles G. Finney

“ME” is always at the bottom of all sin. One little word M-E. It may spell drink, lust, pride, covetousness, self-will; but it is some form of “me”. Anonymous

The very heart and root of sin is an independent spirit.—We erect the idol self, and not only wish others to worship, but worship it ourselves. Richard Cecil

We men are all thieves who have stolen the self which was meant as a part of God and tried to keep it for ourselves alone. Joy Davidman: Joy on the Mountain, dr 1953—4, Joy Davidman, The Westminster Press

Every personal consideration that we allow, costs us heavenly state. We sell the thrones of angels for a short and turbulent pleasure. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Every man for himself, and the Devil take the hindmost. English Proverb

That household god, a man’s own self. John Flavel

Selfishness is the greatest curse of the human race. William Ewart Gladstone

Every man for himself and God for us all. John Heywood: Proverbs, Pt. II, ch. 9

Selfishness, Love’s cousin. John Keats: Isabella, st. 31

Usually he is most empty who is most full of himself. A. G. Lawson

No one is happy or free who lives only for himself. Joy in living comes from immersion in something one recognizes to be bigger, better, worthier, more enduring than he himself is. True happiness and true freedom come from squandering one’s self for a purpose. Carl W. McGeehon: “How Free Are We?” Link

Our error is in making ourselves our own centre and thinking more of our claims on others than of our obligations to them. Christ teaches us that these are one. Alexander MacLaren

That which of all things unfits man for the reception of Christ as a Saviour, is not gross profligacy and outward, vehement transgression, but it is self-complacency, fatal self-righteousness and self-sufficiency. Alexander MacLaren

Every man brings an egg and every one wants an omelette—but without breaking his own egg. That poses a most difficult situation.

Frank Mar The world remains selfish enough, but it will not accept a selfish religion. Sir William Robertson Nicoll We are too much haunted by ourselves, projecting the central shadow of self on everything around us.—And then comes the Gospel to rescue us from this selfishness.— Redemption is this, to forget self in God. Frederick William Robertson

To set up self is to deny Christ; to exalt Christ is to reject self. Henry Sandham

You cannot be your brother’s keeper if you are caged by selfishness. Anonymous

One can be a miser or a savage and be selfish, but not a Christian. Anonymous

Self-preservation is the first law of nature, but self-sacrifice is the highest rule of grace. Anonymous

A man is quickly convinced of the truth of religion who finds it not against his interest that it should be true. Joseph Addison: The Spectator

Self-interest is but the survival of the animal in us. Humanity only begins for a man with self-surrender. Henri Frédéric Amiel

The world has been controlled by two parties: those who have governed by “love of self to the point of contempt of God” and those who have governed by “love of God to the point of contempt of self.” St. Augustine: The City of God

I think we have one foot in heaven and the other on the banana peel of self-interest. Lawrence W. Bash: Minneapolis Tribune

It is part of our human nature but there is that within us which always wants to make self the center of its own universe and, in that selfish way, wants to tear God from His throne and deny his brother and advance his own ambition. Robert R. Brown

The wretch concentred all in self, Living, shall forfeit fair renown, And, doubly dying, shall go down To the vile dust from whence he sprung, Unwept, unhonor’d and unsung. Sir Walter Scott: The Lay of the Last Minstrel, VI Twin-sister of Religion, Selfishness! Percy Bysshe Shelley: Queen Mab, Pt. V,

Selfishness is the great unknown sin. No selfish person ever thought himself selfish. Southern Churchman Mere tax-paying is not a substitute for the springs of human brotherhood. Collective self-indulgence cannot take the place of self- sacrifice. Robert E. Speer

He who lives only to tenefit himself confers on the world a benefit when he dies. Tertullian

Everybody thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of changing himself. Leo Tolstoy

The selfishness of man goes contrary to the spirit of nature and brings about all the evils for which men blame others rather than themselves. Arnold J. Toynbee

The most difficult thing the good Lord has to deal with in the man of today is his sense of self-sufficiency. He is too prone to think he can get along pretty well without God. Western Christian Advocate

If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness and fears. Glenn Clark

Milton has carefully marked in his Satan, the intense selfishness which would rather reign in hell than serve in heaven. Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Most men are so possessed by themselves that they have no vacuum into which God’s deep water may rise. Thomas Erskine

Where Did It All Begin?

Let’s see...I think it started when Madeline Murray O’Hare complained that she didn’t want any prayer in our schools, and we said OK.

Then someone said you had better not read the Bible in school-the Bible that says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said, OK.

Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn’t spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem. And we said, an expert should know what he’s talking about so we won’t spank them anymore.

Then someone said that teachers and principals better not discipline our children when they misbehave. And the school administrators said no

faculty member in this school better touch a student when they misbehave because we don’t want any bad publicity, and we surely don’t want to be sued. And we accepted their reasoning.

Then someone said, let’s let our daughters have abortions if they want, and they won’t even have to tell their parents. And we said, that’s a grand idea.

And then some of our top elected officials said that it doesn’t matter what we do in private as long as we do our jobs. And agreeing with them, we said it doesn’t matter to me what anyone, including the President, does in private as long as I have a job and the economy is good.

And the entertainment industry said, let’s make TV shows and movies that promote profanity, violence, and illicit sex. And let’s record music that

encourages homosexuality, rape, drugs, murder, suicide, and satanic themes. And we said it’s just entertainment, it has no adverse effect,

and nobody takes it seriously anyway, so go right ahead.

Therefore, now we’re asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don’t know right from wrong, and why it doesn’t bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with... “we reap what we sow.”


Twas the night before Y2K, And all through the nation

We awaited The Bug, The Millennium sensation.

The chips were replaced

In computers with care,

In hopes that ol' Bugsy

Wouldn't stop there.

While some folks could think

They were snug in their beds

Others had visions

Of dread in their heads.

And Ma with her PC,

And I with my Mac

Had just logged on the Net

And kicked back with a snack.

When over the server,

There arose such a clatter

I called Mister Gates

To see what was the matter.

But he was away,

So I flew like a flash

Off to my bank

To withdraw all my cash.

When what with my wandering eyes

Should I see?

My good old Mac

Looked sick to me.

The hack of all hackers

Was looking so smug,

I knew that it must be

The Y2K Bug!

His image downloaded

In no time at all,

He whistled and shouted,

Let all systems fall!

Go Intel! Go Gateway! Now HP! Big Blue!

Everything Compaq, And Pentium too!

All processors big,

All processors small,

Crash away! Crash away!

Crash away all!

All the controls

That planes need for their flights

All microwaves, trains

And all traffic lights.

As I drew in my breath

And was turning around,

Out through the modem,

He came with a bound.

He was covered with fur,

And slung on his back

Was a sackful of virus,

Set for attack.

His eyes-how they twinkled!

His dimples-how merry!

As midnight approached, though

Things soon became scary.

He had a broad little face

And a round little belly,

And his sack filled with virus

Quivered like jelly.

He was chubby and plump,

Perpetually grinning,

And I laughed when I saw him

Though my hard drive stopped spinning.

A wink of his eye,

And a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know

A new feeling of dread.

He spoke not a word,

But went straight to his work,

He changed all the clocks,

Then turned with a jerk.

With a twitch of his nose,

And a quick little wink,

All things electronic

Soon went on the blink.

He zoomed from my system,

To the next folks on line,

He caused such a disruption,

Could this be a sign?

Then I heard him exclaim,

With a loud, hearty shout,

Happy Y2K to you all,

This is a helluva night!